I’m in a funk. I don’t know how to get out. I am still taking my happy pills, but they’re not working or something. I have no idea. I’ve been extra dirty stressed lately over things I can’t talk about here. It’s making me paranoid. I don’t like the sound of my phone anymore. I hate getting out of bed in the morning. I find myself wishing away the day. It’s ugly.
So, in an effort to give myself new focus, I’m going to write a list. This list will be things I don’t like about my life that I want to change.
1. Finances. Don’t know what to do about them. Have already tried everything. Short of whoring myself out on the street corner, I don’t see a way out.
2. My job. It’s less my job and more my chosen field. Answer is simple. Change careers. It’s the doing that’s hard.
3. My body. I’m fat. 100 pounds overweight. Son said to me this weekend that he doesn’t want me to have a big belly because he doesn’t want people to think bad things about me. Nothing like embarrassing your kid with your general presence.
4. My style. I need a whole new wardrobe. I don’t like clothes shopping, nor do I have the money for one right now, but none of it is me. I’m faced with nothing but comfortable baggy clothes that hide my uncomfortable baggy body and I want something cute, sassy, and that screams that I do care how I look. One step at a time, though. I need to get a haircut, so that’s on the horizon.
5. My unpublished status. The answer for that is to put ass in chair and do the writing. Walk the walk.
Yeah, that’s pretty much all of it. It’s not asking much is it, just revamp my body and career. But it’s what I think I need to do to have a happy life. And Rome wasn’t built in a day. Nor are books written all at once. So yeah, there will be a page at a time, a pound lost at a time, and resume writing and submission. Something has to give, or it’s going to be me that gives.